So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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