Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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