Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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