I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
