if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
