Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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