i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
