i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
