i was born a porn star she said
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
