I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
