If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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