I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
