I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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