just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Welp...herpes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
