i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
