Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
