I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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