the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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