he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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