During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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