even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
