you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
