I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
