she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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