Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
