toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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