is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
