I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
