Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
