Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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