shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
