I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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