I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
