Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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