He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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