This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
