sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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