I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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