i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
