I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
