Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
