I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
