Your mouth is God's brothel.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
