Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
