the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
