I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
