why didn't you poke me back
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
