Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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