I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
