I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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