never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
