Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
