I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
