Plan B is the new Plan A
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
