sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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